Me.

Holidays is into the second week, but i have no been totally enjoying it. I just feel that something is amiss and i'm moving further away from the goals that i set for the holidays. Other than meeting up with friends and some occassional shopping trips in town, there's nothing much to do. I guess is the usual problem that i face everytime during holidays. Wandering aimless in space, not knowing what to do. It is not as if i didn't plan my holidays, i did try to plan. But there's nothing for me to plan. There's nothing that motivate me. Ironically, i believe my studies motivate me better than my interests. Losing abit of drive in life. Gotta do something about it before it is over. Inter-hall games have already started. I signed up for some of the games and went for the respective trainings. I don't really play well in the games that i signed up, but i wanted to try something new. But the trainings are not helping my interest. Attendance is either poor, or it is mostly dominated by seniors. There's this some sort of invisible barrier that divide the freshies and the seniors. Mingling with them is tough. But i more or less expected it anyway. Somehow, i get this feeling that even i go down for all the trainings, i will not get selected. Maybe i'm over sensitive and paranoid about it, or maybe i'm simply having a bias opinion. But i don't care anyway. It is all about this inter-personnel relationship thingy. The thing about being pop-u-lar. I'm sure i'm not the only one facing this problem. It is just a thing that i must learn to handle in order to survive in this materialistic, superficial society. I have been thinking of the reasons for me having such problems. Low self-esteem? Lacking in self-confidence? Or simply i'm just a little depressed? It is none of the above. There's nothing wrong with me. I am who i am. I'm not superficial, i'm not hypocritical. What you see is what you get. If people don't like me, it just can't be help then. I can adapt, but i cannot change myself totally. I'm sure i'm not being egoistic, it is just about having principles in life. The world is changing faster than you can adapt. If you only care about adapting and fitting in, then i believe you probably live a miserable life where you can't be yourself. Life's short, enjoy it!