再见

只剩下最后几分钟了，在过不久他们就要将器材关掉了。虽然我是真的看不下去了，但我还是 逼自己要看他最后几眼。我一定要把他的身影深深地烙印在我的记忆里，从此不再忘记他。能见到他的最后一面，我不知道是应该感到安慰，还是要痛哭一场。安慰 因为我能见到他的最后一面，还是因该哭泣一个将要离开我的好朋友。我好想哭，但不知为何我的眼泪似乎怎样都流不出来。见到周边的朋友都泪滢满面，我不禁自 问为何我就是流不出眼泪。难道我已变成一个无情无义的人？我心里是那么地茅盾。明知道为有让他离去才能让他能从痛苦中解脱，但心里却是那么不舍。人都是那 么自私，总是希望身边的人永不离去。但天下无不散之宴席，相聚离别都有时候。人生乃无常，一切都会消失云散。在这一切，我只能感叹我们的缘份是那么的短 暂，后悔没多珍惜你一点与没能为你做些什么。但这些已不再重要了，因为你已离我而去。若有来世，我希望我们还是能做朋友。再见了，我的好朋友，离开这痛苦 的世界吧。

Sadness.

Sadness sometimes just cannot be describe in words, it is simply undescribable. I met an old friend of mine today, at a place i least expected. Honestly, it is probably the last place on earth that i thought i would ever meet him - in an ICU. Lying on the bed with life support, i just can't bear the sight of him. For once i almost couldn't recognise him when i saw him. His body frail and his breathing weak. He is dying, and the fact that i can't do anything about it just make me feel worse. This helplessness is so heart-wrenching. Diagnosis states that his is brain-dead, a vegetable in other words. But all those around him simply choose not to believe it. We believe miracles can happen, and it will happen. We believe he will make it through and join us for our next gathering, or at least we try to. However, deep down we all know that's almost impossible. The doctor says he can't make it till tomorrow morning. But medical miracles do happen, we have to believe in it. How do you expect miracles to happen if you don't believe in them? It is really a struggle for us, to be ignorant of the facts or to give in to reality. It is a tough choice to make for anyone, a choice one hope he will never have to make. The most ironic thing is that he himself probably doesn't know that he is diagnosed with brain tumor even though he is the one lying on the bed. Life can't be anymore cruel than this, to *** without knowing why. (Pardon me for not typing the word out for i believe in miracles). He is only 21! In his prime years serving the nation, but life just has to be so cruel on him, and on those who love him. Why? Why? We are not even prepare for it. Please don't take him away from us... Please... Not before i say goodbye... 10 years of friendship, is it going to end here? No, it doesn't end here. Our friendship is for eternal, eternality is where our friendship shall end. Wake up, my friend. I want to see your smile again. I want to enjoy your company again. Please...

Miracles do happen... Right?

Fear Factor.

As much as i'm excited about my life in NTU, i can't help but to sense a little fear in myself. It is not the fear of the unknown, but the fear of losing what i already had. The fear of knowing new friends at the cost of losing my old friends. As everyone start pursuing their studies in universities all over the island, it seems that the distance between me and my friends have been elongated. Not just physically, as we now study in different schools, but also emotionally. I feel that the attachment we use to have with each other wanes a little as each day goes by and the understanding between me and them ebbs slowly. Everyone starts to go out with their new university friends and tends to neglect the usual meetings we have always had. I'm guilty of it myself too. I'm starting to know less and less of my old friends' lives and finding it hard to relate myself to them as of before. The chemistry when doing things together is lacking, communication breaks down more often, even the amount of teasing and taunting drops. Despite some even study in the same school as i am, the same situation also occurs. Perhaps maybe not as drastic as compared to those not studying in NTU. I sometimes wonder whether i am imagining things or just being over sensitve as i dread the day when best friends will become strangers. It just seem so real and may one day become a reality. I have known some of these friends for half my life and i really don't want to lose them to time and the changing environment. But i have come to realise that it is inevitable as our path diverge from one another. What i can do is to savage what that is left between me and them, prolonging each other presence in each other lives and hoped that it can withstand the test of time. Friends forever.